i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my poor anus
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
