The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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