So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
