It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
