So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
