I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
