i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
