oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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