new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
