hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
