Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
