I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize