pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
barbara walters just said penis...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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