Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
