The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
