i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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