I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
