And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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