..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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