Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize