You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
