I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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