Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
