Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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