I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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