she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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