WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
