WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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