I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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