apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
