I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
