His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
