Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
