We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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