just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
