i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i believe in u and ur pee
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