Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
