please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
