Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
