Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize