her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I love having hate sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
