no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
