i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
