Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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