I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
