So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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