I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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