How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
