i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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