The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
