nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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