I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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