How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
