i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
