So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
