So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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