I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
