someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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