VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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