You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize