dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
