the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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