Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
