His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize