I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
