So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
