I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
