I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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