Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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