It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
