Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
