May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
