he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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