The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
