I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
