two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
