fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
