Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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