i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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